with your own penis?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
