We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
