He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
