there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
