nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
