eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
