So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
