Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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