Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
