hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I met the friendliest cop last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
