we have pet lesbian snakes
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
