I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
