tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
