who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
