Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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