I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
