In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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