So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
