return my video game
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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