I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
