Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
