Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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