So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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