Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
