I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
