I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
