she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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