Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
