Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
