did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
