i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
