Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
