Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
