when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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