The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we should paint friendship bongs
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