Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
