My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
