Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
