y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
