At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
