she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
being pregnant is like rehab
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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