if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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