I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
