Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
