I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
