you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
