I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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