the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
