Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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