I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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