I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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