I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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