I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
