wakey wakey hands off snakey
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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