I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
