Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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