I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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