the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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