A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
